NonPro News — June 20, 2007

Good Evening and welcome to NonPro news. My name is Lindsey Saultz and here are tonight’s top stories.

The Associated Press reports that Television character Herman Munster has become one of the most recent victims of identity theft. Crooks in an underground chat room for selling stolen credit card numbers and personal information used Munster’s information to apply for a credit card.

The address on the card reflected Munster’s television address, 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Also, Munster’s birthday was listed as August 15th, 1964, very near the shows initial air date in September 1964.

Evidence shows that the thief, know as “supra”, was from overseas. Apparently, he had no idea that Herman Munster was, in fact, a fictional character, or that the show has been off air for years.

In other news, the Associated Press reports that the eight-year old, hermaphroditic, two-headed snake that was the main attraction at the World Aquarium has passed. We, the snake, was expected to only live for a week or two.

We’s handler, Leonard Sonnenschein, said millions of people have seen the snake throughout the years. Children were particularly excited to see how the snake would try to move in two different directions at the same time.

Sonnenschein said they wanted to try to breed the snake with another two-headed snake this summer. They had tried in the past, but it was unsuccessful. The female head wasn’t feeling well that night.

We will be preserved and put on display at the Aquarium within the week.

Another slithery creature is making the news this week. The Associated Press reports that hagfish, a slimy bottom feeder with teeth on its tongue, is actually considered an aphrodisiac in South Korea. The creature, which had a cameo on “Fear Factor” is sought out by men that seek the Viagra-like effects they believe the hagfish help produce. The market for this fish has increased in the past year, especially on the west coast. Frank is out in California now with more.

Frank: Thanks Lindsey. It’s true, these repulsive creatures are helping the West Coast’s fish market. Four years ago, California was barely exporting hagfish. Now, they are catching about 150,000 pounds a year.

<to the side> What’s that? Oh really? Great!! <on Mic> Wow, they have prepared some hagfish for me to try right now. Oh wow, that looks terrible. <eating noises>

Lindsey: So, how does it taste?

Frank: Wow, this is pretty terrible. I don’t know how they can eat this on a regular basis. For NonPro news, this is Frank Hablawi, back to you in New Jersey.

Lindsey: Thanks Frank, and enjoy the rest of the hagfish.

Frank: Oh I will. By the way, what are you wearing?

Lindsey; Wait, what?!? I don’t think that’s very appropriate Frank. Come on.

Frank: Yeah, sorry about that. Well, then what’s Sam wearing?

Lindsey: Nothing.

Frank: Nothing!?!

Lindsey: No, wait, she’s wearing something. I meant we should stop talking about this. I’m trying to do serious news here.

Frank; Well, you can do the news naked. The Canadians do it.

Lindsey: You really want to be like the Canadians? <off mic> Quick, cut his mic! That’s going to be all for Naked News, I mean NonPro News. Thanks to Frank Hablawi and Sam in Production. For the NonPro Team, I’m Lindsey Saultz, thanks for tuning in and stay weird world.

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