NonPro News — August 15, 2007

Good evening and welcome to NonPro News. My name is Lindsey Saultz, and here are tonight’s top stories.

A Japanese biker rode for about a mile with one leg. And yes, he did begin the journey with all of his limbs attached.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with his friends when he mishandled a turn and crashed into a safety barrier. The collision severed his leg below the knee, but the cyclist had no idea until he came to the next junction, where his friend pulled up next to him, holding his leg!


In other news, the “Duct Tape Bandit” has stuck, I mean struck again.

A twenty-four year-old man in Ashland, Kentucky walked into a liquor store on Friday to rob it. His disguise – a head wrapped in duct tape.

Store employee Craig Miller chased the man into the parking lot, tackled him and held him in a chokehold until the police came.

Kasey G. Kazee was charged with first-degree robbery. In an interview with WSAZ-TV, he denied being the bandit who robbed the store of two rolls of change.

Unfortunately for him, he still had a piece of duct tape stuck to his ear. Woopsies!

In other news, there’s a reason people think Wiccans are crazy – and that reason is a 42-year-old woman in Waukesha, Wisconsin.

Brenda K. Barney faces charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest after neighbors complained she was disturbing then with chants around a bonfire she had built ten feet from her home.

When the police arrived after midnight on Tuesday, they heard a woman yelling and found her wearing headphones, a T-Shirt, and underwear.

At one point, police said she poured lighter fluid on the bonfire, in which she was burning rubber car mats and a cooler.

Barney refused to cooperate with police, was belligerent, and her breath smelled of alcohol, said police.

Barney says the police were infringing on her religious beliefs since she was performing a ritual under the new moon.

A religion where you can run around a bonfire in your underwear late at night, yelling, burning trash, and drinkin’ booze? Come on, when did we allow Mississippi to start a new religion? Bad idea, America. Bad idea!

Now, all of you dedicated NonPro listeners should know by now that we love stories about blind drivers – almost as much as I love cute puppies!

Puppy Hit By Car

Damn it, Frank. Moving on, as we teased last week, it’s about time for NonPro to have our own “Blind Driver Theme Music”. Here it is. Enjoy. And thank us later.

And finally, in Eastonia, a man was arrested this week for driving drunk – and blind – again. According to police, and NonProductive, this was the second time this week he had been arrested for driving drunk – and blind.

Spokeswoman for the Tartu police district said he was drunk and there were three people in the car with him giving him directions.

The man faces thirty days in jail this time around. He and his friends also must do community service work, including a “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Blind” public service announcement.

And that concludes this week’s episode of NonPro news. For the NonPro team, I’m Lindsey Saultz. Thanks for tuning in and stay weird world.