We certainly hope today’s entry in our BEST. GIFTS. EVER. advent calendar is the last gift to feature the looming potential of actual exercise!
Moon Shoes by Hart (1994)
Listen, kids are stupid. We were gullible, trusting, hopeful little semi-sociopaths that fully accepted spring-shoes as not only existing without consequence, but actually a good idea. Why walk to school when you could hop? Why hop to school when you could hop your way into a six-figure contract with the NBA? It just makes sense.
Modern versions of Moon Shoes were little trampolines you wore on your feet that allowed you to perform all sorts of stunts like: jumping once and falling down, tripping awkwardly on one leg, and flailing about sadly. The kids in the commercials that aired on 90s Nickelodeon seem to have their acts together, but I’m sure they were mostly staffed by the gymnastic squads of various developing countries.
I specifically mentioned the modern version of these things because Moon Shoes have been in production since the 1950s. Back then, these took the form of metal springs that fastened to your actual shoes much like early roller skates did. You have to wonder how many hands and feet got chewed up on a bad landing with one of these things. All the kids in 50s playgrounds probably looked like Johnny Tremain.
As much as I mock these things, the truth is I still want a pair. Of all the promises of the space age, from personal jet-packs to rocket cars, Moon Shoes at least delivered. Even if it usually ended up delivering you to the emergency room.
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