Lady Terminator (1988), dir. Jalil Jackson, 108 Sound Studio/Soraya Intercine Film PT
Ludicrous; yeah, that’s about the only word that sums up this film. Any attempts at analysis are doomed from the start, but here’s a run down. Opening in the past, we see the Queen of the South Seas making love to a mustached man. The touching scene is interrupted when she somehow brutally murders the man via her vagina.
Another man arrives almost at once and makes love to the queen, he however survives. The Queen’s joy at his survival is short lived, as the man then demands (since they are married now somehow) that she stop killing men. He also pulls an eel out from between her thighs and turns it into a knife. The Queen, annoyed at this, leaves but not before swearing to come back and murder the man’s great granddaughter, leaving the man alive and presumably rich. The man is okay with this.
We jump to the present day. An anthropologist, not a lady she stresses, goes searching for the Queen of the South Seas. She finds her and gets possessed by her. Emerging naked from the shore, she kills two men via sex and steals their clothes. She takes over a hotel room (In the Philippines, it is considered good luck to have an extra room set aside for the Queen of the South Seas), then murders a security guard. She also takes the guard’s Uzi and apparently nine hundred million rounds of ammo. Why? Because the man’s great granddaughter is a singer who is giving a concert at local disco.
The possessed Queen shoots about five hundred people but misses the singer. This attracts the police and military, where the square-jawed American cop on the edge protects the singer and nobody else. He tries mind you, but he’s not very good at it.
This is a film that almost defies a review. Whole scenes and dialogue are transplanted from James Cameron’s earlier work, even when it makes no narrative sense. By the end of the movie, nearly every cop in the entire Philippines is dead and and so is almost every civilian. It gets so bad that our cop brings in some American buddies to help. Buddies armed with Panzers and mullets so magnificent I curse myself for not providing a picture. They are useless against the Queen, but the end comes from within for our titular slayer.
“She mates…then she terminates”