This retro-post was originally written September 2006!
5. Creepy-as-All-Hell Drinking Glass from the 70’s
I got this creepy sonofabitch as part of an estate sale I don’t remember attending. Seriously. I have no damn memory regarding this thing before two years ago, and I remember every little piece of nostalgia that has ever entered my life. Its part of a line of collectable drinking glasses, called Moon Glasses, issued by Pepsi in 1976 that featured various comic book characters. This one features the Joker, laughing at me and burning holes in my mind with his cheap painted on eyes. I think I need to turn this glass around now…
4. Stupid Law Books
A book from my law school days, this heavy tome serves several key purposes in my life. It is a useful reference for all those questions on Tort Law that keep me up late at night playing videogames instead of taking life seriously like I should. It looks cool on my shelf, and makes me seem smart and well-read, balancing out the many comic books and Choose Your Own Adventures that otherwise litter my bookcases. Finally, it is chock-full of horrible mutilations and violent dismemberment stories that make up actual tort-law. Remind me never to work on a construction site without a hard-hat and a codpiece.
3. Lionel Hutz and the Simpsons Courtroom Playset
Now this is what the law is really about. When I graduated from college, my friends and I bought each other gifts to celebrate. Dave and I bought Rick a writer’s fountain pen set, and Rick and I bought Dave a leather bible (I think it was the director’s cut). Those two bastards joined forces and bought me an addiction.
You see, that was when I got my first Simpsons Environment Playset, those interactive talking dioramas that feature just about every character and location from the series. They got me the Nuclear Power Plant as well as Bart Simpson, and over the years I’ve added more and more to my collection. This is the Court Room location setup with Judge Snyder, the Blue Hair Lawyer (yes, that’s his actual name), and Lionel Hutz himself.
Interesting note; this play set taught me more about being a lawyer then all the legal seminars and courses I refused to attend at law school. I learnt about not mentioning my blintzes during trial, never forgetting to wear my pants, and dealing with stress in the workplace. As Lionel Hutz says, “If I hear ‘Objection Sustained’ one more time today, I think I’m going to scream!”
2. Hitchhiker’s Guide Scripts
In the interest of brevity, I can not go into the detail necessary to adequately describe how much this radio show/book/movie/zeitgeist meant to me growing up. The novel, I believe, was the first to enter my life, but I soon found and fell in love with the radio show that started it all. This book collects the scripts from the original radio series from the BBC, and presents them in convenient text format! Douglas Adams’ hilarious writing style is probably the number one reason I got into radio, started NonProductive, and can’t find a date for Saturday night.
1. Wind Up Pooping Chicken
What can I say, it’s a chicken, it’s a wind up, it poops gummy eggs out of its corn-hole – it’s the single greatest thing on our list! This neat little girl actually hops around and “lays” brightly colored gummy eggs that you refill by decapitating the chicken and stuffing candy down the throat hole whenever she goes empty. Mutilation, winding, and candy-crap – it’s got it all! I’ve always loved windup thingies, and have a vast collection of anything spring loaded and odd, so this girl is right at home on my bookshelf. Best of all, it was a gift from my favorite Little, Sam – the hostess with the mostess of our very own NonProductive radio show. I’m all a-gush!
Here’s a movie of the Chicken doing what it do.
Honorable Mention: Picture of Sean Connery Autographed by Roger Moore