Ohmigod!
It has been a substantial amount of time since my last post but the fact of the matter is that I have a “successful” radio show for which I can use to vomit my opinion all over you on a weekly basis. Despite that fact, I have stumbled across a valuable piece of information that I simply must share.
Last week, I made an argument that Avatar was not the highest grossing movie of all time due to the outrageous price of a ticket to see said movie which, I am being told, is now set at 14 virgins. After giving consideration to ticket inflation, Gone with the Wind was found to be the highest grossing domestic film of all time. I was met with varying degrees of protest. John Q. Minus in particular was riding Avatar’s dick so hard that he himself was turning blue. He brought up some argument claiming that several movies had “multiple theatrical runs” and that I could not “put them on the same level as Avatar” because that film only had one run.
F**k him!
Upon further investigation, I found a way to determine which movies on my list only had one theatrical run and I am proud to present the adjusted grosses for this new list. Read it and weep suckers:
| Rank | Film Title | Studio | Adjusted Gross | Unadjusted Gross | Year |
| 1 | The Sound of Music | Fox | $1,083,781,000 | $158,671,368 | 1965 |
| 2 | The Ten Commandments | Par. | $996,910,000 | $65,500,000 | 1956 |
| 3 | Titanic | Par. | $976,712,200 | $600,788,188 | 1997 |
| 4 | Jaws | Uni. | $974,679,800 | $260,000,000 | 1975 |
| 5 | Doctor Zhivago | MGM | $944,670,800 | $111,721,910 | 1965 |
| 6 | Ben-Hur | MGM | $745,780,000 | $74,000,000 | 1959 |
| 7 | Avatar | Fox | $721,425,400 | $721,425,412 | 2009 |
| 8 | The Sting | Uni. | $678,377,100 | $156,000,000 | 1973 |
| 9 | Jurassic Park | Uni. | $656,026,500 | $357,067,947 | 1993 |
| 10 | Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace | Fox | $645,524,400 | $431,088,301 | 1999 |
That’s right! A film that cost millions to make was beat out by Julie Andrews singing about whiskers on kittens. Think about it while you cry about that Oscar loss and masterbate to pictures of CGI lizard people looking things…what the hell are they supposed to be anyway???
So Long, Farewell <3
Sam “I Have Confidence” Little