It’s No Titanic

titanic.jpgOhmigod Boys and Girls!

It has finally happened! I am officially over “The Dark Knight,” “Batman,” and “Heath Ledger” (God rest your soul but I’m tired of hearing about your movie).

It has been almost a month and everywhere I go there is some jackass talking about how great, or horrible, this movie was.  I did not ask for your opinion because I really do not give a crap.  The main reason I would see this movie would be to stare at the chiseled chest of one Christian Bale. He is SOOOO dreamy but, in all honesty, I can watch him sing and dance in a Disney movie directed by Kenny Ortega, the same director/ choreographer/ genius behind High School Musical, in a little blockbuster called NEWSIES. This 1992 film broke records too…in my heart. It combined singing, dancing, snappy wardrobes, news, and William Randolph Hearst.  If I was a critic I would give this movie a gold…no…a platinum record for its historically accurate depiction of newsboys at the turn of the century.

The mass media is not helping matters at all.  Everywhere I go I keep hearing the same annoying questions:       

  • “What record will it ‘shatter’ next?”
  • “Will The Dark Knight surpass Titanic?
  • “Will Heath win the Oscar?”
  • “Where are all the ‘POW’ word bubbles?”
  • “Why did EA Games make a video game to accompany the film?”
  • “Who will be in the sequal?”
  • “Why do fools fall in love?”

All tired, over-explored questions that seek to see into the future or explain completely irrational obsessions with the ‘popular’ 1960’s television series.In a desperate attempt to escape all the Jonas Brother type fawning over this film, I looked up the top movies of all time on IMDB.  I immediately felt depressed as I realized that only Americans are really digging this film.  While The Dark Knight is currently #3 on the list of the highest grossing films in the U.S. and is poised to surpass the original Star Wars, it has yet to break the top 30 in the worldwide category or the top 100 in the non-U.S. listing.  If it was not so out of character for myself, the All-American princess, I would leave this country over the stupidity some of our media outlets and fellow comic book nerds are displaying.  Move on because clearly the rest of the world has.

This is not an act, I really am pissed off about this film and therefore will never see it or enjoy it.  I will now answer all of the pressing questions I listed above that have been plaguing our media outlets:

  • “What record will it ‘shatter’ next?” Sorry Star Wars; that record you set in 1977 is no match for the power of Batman Losers.
  • “Will The Dark Knight surpass Titanic?That movie that is the top grossing film of all time across all markets?  Yeah, Batman you can only hope to be on the top of every list known to man.
  • “Will Heath win the Oscar?” I find it doubtful but that’s just me.
  • “Where are all the ‘POW’ word bubbles? Some ass in special effects forgot them.
  • “Why did EA Games make a video game to accompany the film?” No one really wants to be obsessed with this film. Nerds are only seeing it because it is what all the popular kids are doing.
  • “Who will be in the sequel?” Not The Joker.
  • “Why do fools fall in love?” Good Movie!

That’s it kiddies. You may start hating on me now…you Batman nerds!


Samantha “I Heart Titanic” Little