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Enjoy this teaser trailer of all the upcoming fun that *Dungeon Not Included has in store for you this season.
click here for a transcript of this episode[An upbeat, intense action tune plays in the background while everyone talks]
Red: Probably should be my turn? But⦠I⦠donāt, remember what- [breaks into laughter]
Everyone: [laughs]
Red: [laughing] Sorry!
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Brennan (breh-nehn): Oh yes I think you had blasted enough of the buildings that there was a runway and you could do a takeoff? I think that actually did happen.
Red: Yeah.
Alex (al-ecks): I believe it did too.
Red: That was-
Brennan: So-
Red: -the end of the last session.
Brennan: -the pirates are now in hot pursuit.
Red: Okay. Yeah.
Alex: And if it didnāt happen that way⦠this is an alternate universe and this is whatās happening.
Brennan: [chuckles]
Frank (frenk): [chuckles]
Red: Yeah itās the Mandela (man-deh-luh) Effect. [snorts]
Alex: Yeah. [chuckles]
Brennan: [chuckles]
Red: Cause, yāknow, thatās a good umā¦
Frank: Oh is it too late to name our ship!
Everyone: [laughs]
Red: Weāre not just wrong it was an alternate universe that we remember and you donāt. [chuckles]
Brennan: [chuckles]
Alex: Oh yeah. Yeah.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Alex: [As Growlcolm (growl-come), with a slight Australian accent] Uh, Captain! If you donāt, uh, have any objection Iām going to go see if thereās anything I can do about these shields.
Frank: [As Sticky, slightly higher pitched with a rough quality] Yes! Of course! We need those!
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: [As Growlcolm] All right.
Red: [As San (sahn)] Iām a little busy.
Alex: Yeah. All right, so, uh-
Brennan: Flying the ship, yes.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Red: All right, sorry.
Brennan: [cross-talk] And I do think Sticky is the absolute best at sneaking.
Red: Oh for sure.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Brennan: The- yo- [breaks into chuckle] There was a running gun-fight, uh with Sticky stuck halfway out of the uh⦠landing gear of the, uh White Elephant.
Alex: Strawberry Coke. Itās like Dimetapp but worse
Red: Yāknow, as much as I love Strawberry Coke, I really love Blueberry [chuckling] Coke.
Alex: Oh, Iām gettinā there donāt worry. Thatās the next one Iāve got open.
Red: Oh, great.
Frank: [cross-talk] Youāre gonna love Mixed Berry Coke.
Red: [laughs]
Alex: Oh.
Frank: Now available in warm!
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: [laughs]
Red: I think you mean hot! [chuckles]
Alex: Yes. Ohā¦
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Red: Yeah, systems. Iām lookinā it up on the- on the space internet. Causeā¦
Brennan: Exactly
Alex: Mmhm. Yeah.
Red: Yeah.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Alex: Five.
Red: [approval noise]
Brennan: Ooh, nice.
Frank: Ooh nice!
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Red: Excellent.
Brennan: Ooh nice!
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Brennan: Okay, so.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Frank: [As Sticky] Y-you two ready to go? Whatās- whatās the hold-up? Why-
Alex: [cross-talk, As Growlcolm] I-
Frank: [As Sticky] -are ya starinā at it?
Red: [As San] I- I donāt like this.
Frank: [As Sticky] W-D- I have not known you to like anything so far.
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: [laughs]
Red: [As San] I like Growlcolm!
Alex: [As Growlcolm] Aw, thank you. [Out of character] And my tail starts wagging.
Brennan: [laughs]
Red: [laughs]
Frank: I just wait a beat, and say [As Sticky] I see.
Brennan: [laughs]
Red: [laughs]
Alex: Uhā¦
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Alex: This weekās game sponsored by Blueberry AƧai (ah-see-eye) Coke!
Red: [laughs]
Alex: [chuckling] As opposed to last week Strawberry Coke.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Red: [As San] Is- is this legal?
Frank: [As Sticky] Oh⦠[stutters] Who cares? I mean yeah.
Brennan: [laughs]
Red: [As San] Okay, fine-
Brennan: [cross-talk] āWho cares, I mean yeah.ā
Red: [As San] Is it- is it moral?
Frank: [chuckling] I go back to cutting ice.
Brennan: [laughs]
Red: [laughs]
Alex: Uh- [laughs]
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Alex: [As Growlcolm] We also made the decision to fly a pirate ship into a public airspace despite what anybody on the ground or any passers by would have found savory or unsavory, we make decisions all the time that may or may not be something that is āmorally okayā. I donāt know if it was āmorally okayā for us to fly our ship which being traced by pirates into a public space, we chose to do it. Uh, we arenāt policing ourselves why are we policing these people.
Red: [laughing] Now youāve got San Ming (mihng) questioning that decision. [laughs]
Frank: [laughs]
Brennan: [laughs]
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Frank: So⦠I think our plan should be- w- weāll investigate it as much as we can, see if we think itāll go bad⦠if we take out the coolant. And yāknow there- this is an ice planet maybe if we stuff the hold, or the uh, wherever weāre storing them-
Alex: [laughs]
Frank: -whatever room weāre storing them in with some ice theyāll keep!
Brennan: That actually is an innovative idea.
Alex: I like it a lot actually.
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: I th- I think that thatās actually- I think Growlcolmās on board for that.
Brennan: [laughs]
Frank: Itās the um⦠uh, responsible thing to do yeah.
Alex: I think so too.
Brennan: [laughs]
Red: Iām still listening to that holding music on HR.
Brennan: [chuckles] Youāll be listening to that music forever.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Brennan: [As NPC] He came in with that Class D crew. I donāt think that heās probably worth that much.
Frank: I kinda- kinda like in the vents nod in agreement. Yeah. Thatās pretty accurate.
Everyone: [laughs]
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Frank: [As Sticky] Growlcolm just gave us our shipās motto. āFor all we know weāre doinā the right thing.ā
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: [laughs]
Red: [As San] I⦠donāt think thatās⦠a good motto.
Brennan: [laughs]
Frank: [As Sticky] Itās a great one.
Brennan: [chuckles]
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Alex: This weekās game sponsored by Blueberry AƧai Coke!
Red: [laughs]
Alex: [chuckling] As opposed to last week Strawberry Coke.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Red: I will close the box and deliver it. [chuckles]
Brennan: [chuckles]
Frank: By far the most irresponsible thing any of us-
Brennan: [laughs]
Red: [laughs]
[Unintelligible]
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Red: Maybe the engineer should take a look at that.
Brennan: [chuckles]
Alex: Oh yeah I can absolutely- L-letās uh jump into this. Uhā¦
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Brennan: Well you guys did better than I thought you were gonna do there.
Alex: Uh, well I- I was definitely, like, white-knuckling every one of those engineering rolls, uhā¦
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: I have a feeling that this ship by the time weāre done with itās gonna like- weāre gonna be starting with episode 4 or 5 C3PO (cee-three-pee-oh) and weāre slowly gonna end up back to 10 year old Anakin (anne-uh-kin) C3PO.
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: Like wires and stuff everywhere as I jury-rig-
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Frank: Uh, Iām gonna try to give us an- a little bit of an advantage with a plan. Uh, cause all I can do is I gue- Iām the bard. I can give us a little bit of a boost.
Everyone: [laughs]
Frank: Umā¦
Red: [cross-talk] We have a three-person party-
Alex: [cross-talk] If you-
Frank: A foul-mouthed bard.
Alex: If-
Red: And-
Alex: If you were-
Red: -you decided to be a bard.
Alex: If you were the bard what instrument would Sticky play do you think?
Red: [laughs]
Frank: Oh it would just be⦠Uh, you know, umā¦
Alex: [unintelligible]
Frank: Jethro Tull (jehth-row tohll) pan flute?
Brennan: [laughs]
Frank: That uh…
Alex: Nice.
Frank: Because it would just irritate you that it works yāknow? Itās just like āAw, god, itās good but⦠really?ā
Alex: Yeah. All right.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Brennan: I wish we could get some of those⦠sweet, Coke endorsement dollars.
Alex: [unintelligible] Weāre not gonna get them by not selling Coke.
Red: [cross-talk, chuckling] Yeah thatāll be…
Frank: Youāre asking dollars?
Red: Kinda nice.
Frank: I thought it was just gonna be cans of Coke!
Brennan: [laughs]
Alex: Yeah.
Red: [laughs]
Brennan: Honestly that would still be fine. [laughs]
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Frank: [As Sticky] Right I think we did an awesome job of keeping these whats-its alive, or whatever.
Brennan: [laughs]
Frank: [As Sticky] Iām super proud of us. Letās go get paid.
Alex: [As Growlcolm] Yes. Uh letās do this.
[Sci-fi blaster noise]
Frank: All these checks are actually coming from Pepsi.
Brennan: [laughs] Right!
Red: [laughs]
Alex: [laughs]
Red: Is Pepsi okay?
[Action tune ends]
[Spooky electronic theme fades in, then out. ]
[Lively piano music fades in]
Narrator: This has been a Non-Productive Media presentation. Executive producer Frank Hablawi (hah-blou-ee). This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution noncommercial noderivatives license. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.
[Music fades, video game sound effects come in then fade]