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All bets are off following last night’s Democratic debate, as Hillary Clinton may have delivered the debilitating blow her campaign has long awaited. She pressed leading nomination contender Barack Obama on their competing health care plans, saying “my opponent’s plan will leave 15 million Americans uninsured and, might I add, partially retarded.” Obama retorted, “You are.” Clinton gasped and shouted back, “you are!”
The ugliness escalated. Obama stared hard for a moment and Clinton returned his gaze. “Are you as turned on as I am?” he asked. “More!” she explained. They embraced passionately and kissed as they fell off screen. A moan of ecstatic pleasure was picked up on a microphone, though it was later attributed to Keith Olbermann.
David Axelrod, campaign strategist for Mr. Obama, offered this explanation in the spin room: “Barack and Hillary have worked together several years, and have always expressed and enjoyed a mutual respect and admiration. They agree on many issues and, of course, there’s this seething sexual tension that’s been bubbling beneath the surface. I mean, we’re talking Ross and Rachel times ones and a quarter. He can’t talk about superdelegates without getting a stiffy.”
The Clinton campaign immediately released this statement after the debate: “Senator Clinton is honored to serve with Senator Obama, and now, to serve Senator Obama. Let’s just say it’s been a long time, and she’s the grateful type.”
Naturally, the blogosphere has erupted in blogtter about a possible Blogbama-Blogton political blogabaloo, with Daily Kos speculating they might copulate during the inauguration if one or, somehow, both are elected. Obama has already changed her campaign slogan to “Change is coming quickly,” and she to “Once one goes black, one never goes back. Especially with weiners,” which only fits onto extra-long posters. That was a black penis joke.