Over at The NonPro Fan Club, I was made aware of an upcoming movie based on the 1980s video game Rampage. For the love of all that is holy, watch this trailer:
Turning this hit arcade game into a movie is so smart that it is actually giving me a headache, so, the natural progression here is to pitch as many movies as I can before choking to death on my own saliva. Please remember me fondly in the credits as a special dedication.
BurgerTime
BurgerTime. There’s a mad bomber on the loose targeting NYC during Restaurant Week, and the only one who can stop him is the grizzled retired beat cop that put him in jail the first time. Too bad he’s a simple fry-cook now. Or is it? BURGERTIME: DON’T LET TIME RUN OUT
Pong
Pong. Set during the Summer of 76 in Montreal, where Olympic greats meet to struggle for glory! But little Billy McCloud is only here to “support” his jerk big brother as he competes for the US Tennis team. The pre-teen’s real passion is the hot new video sport, PONG, and we follow him as he gets into a heated rivalry with the hatred Blankenau twins, local roughnecks and siblings to his brother’s Olympic rival. Will these two brothers find a common bond in the frigid north! Yes. A coming of age tale! PONG OF YOUR LIFE
Tetris
Tetris. I guess it’s like a beautiful mind, only the guy is a Tetris genius or something. OSCAR GOLD.
Dig Dug
Dig Dug. In the near future, a mad president actually manages to bring back the coal industry, in a big way! Now, the environment is in ruins, and martial law has been declared across the land. Only a half-insane/half-Australian retired coal miner cop can bring order to this lawless land of black-lunged mutants. It’s highly offensive! CAN YOU DIG DUG IT!
Bubble Bobble
Bubble Bobble. A new designer drug has hit the streets, and teenagers are literally throwing themselves off of rooftops to get it. A sexy forensic scientist lost their brother to the drug in the opening sequence, and now nothing will stop them from unraveling the mystery of Bubble Bobble before it is too late, which it sort of already is for their dead brother. An Asian gang probably did it. BUBBLE BOBBLE: BEFORE THE BUBBLE BURSTS. *In a post-credit sequence, the sexy forensic scientists gets help from a mysterious stranger… who turns out to be the cop from BURGERTIME! SHARED UNIVERSE $$$
