I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know where to start or where to end. In the original field of 64 entrants in the 2019 Non-Productive March Madness: Women in Comedy Tournament, there are such egregious oversights and omissions that I figuratively threw up in my mouth upon viewing them. I don’t know who suffered a traumatic brain injury then was giving the job of picking this field, but they should be stripped of all of their responsibilities and sent back to the hospice ward they were salvaged from. Here are the 5 biggest snubs from this year’s March Madness field:
5. Malory Archer, Archer
Is Mallory basically just Lucille Bluth + a big-ass gun? Yes. Is Lucille Bluth already on this list? Yes. Are both characters given life by the iconic Jennifer Walters? Yes. Do I give one single lonely fuck about any of that? No. Mallory belongs on the list.
4. Francine Smith, American Dad
In the annals of cartoon sitcom wives, there is only one who you can say is truly and independently funny. If there were a Bechdel Test for Comedy, Francine would score way higher (or lower? I have no idea how that thing works) than either Marge Simpson or Lois Griffin. In general, the female characters on American Dad have far more identity than on Family Guy. Francine especially is… possibly schizophrenic. And it’s completely okay, and hilarious.
3. Karen Walker, Will & Grace
Megan Mullally is a comedic force of nature. She’s effortlessly funny. You can’t not pay attention to Karen when she’s on the screen. I don’t know how you can not have her on this list. Ignoring Global Warming is less of an embarrassment than ignoring Karen.
Editor’s Note: Karen Walker is actually in our contest, and is facing off against Tina Belcher of Bob’s Burgers in Game 9!
2. Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
Somehow Jenna is in the tournament but Liz isn’t? The patron saint of every mediocre white brunette who thinks she’s secretly more talented than she actually is? You’re not Liz Lemon sweetie, you’re just Liz the HR Temp. Liz Lemon is a unique comedic figure in that she’s a “switch”; she’s the comic to Jack’s straight man, but she’s the straight man for Jenna and Tracy. She’s an intense character that you can’t help but root for but also has some of the best one-liners in the show. It’s a travesty that she is not on this list and someone should be neutered for this mistake.
Editor’s Note: Um… Liz Lemon is also in our contest. And always has been. Yup. Game 18.
1. Roseanne, Roseanne
Put aside that Roseanne was a transformative show for it’s time and for the perception of women in comedy. Put aside what your personal feelings about Roseanne Barr may be. Roseanne the character was hilarious and the driving force behind the Connors. She pretty much was the comedy on that show. Not only should Roseanne be in this tournament, one of the regions should be named after her. I am ashamed to know anyone involved with this travesty.
Please, in the name of all that’s good and pure, go to https://non-productive.com/vote/ and vote for the great female comedians that did make it into the tournament. Let them know that decent hard-working men and women like you can still make sense of this crazy world!